Author: dickshistory

Noticed a drop off in the quality of our Wessex kings? Sorry to say it’s about to get even worse with this bloke in charge.

Ted the Martyr will pop into our story but only briefly. He has a pressing appointment with the Pope about his sainthood application.

Eadwig the naughty is dead leaving Eadgar the good boy to take over. Eadgar is wonderful according to historians, although the does have a think for Nuns, and isn’t adverse to a bit of murder to get a hot chic. But these may just be teenage angsty things.

It’s the sex show starring Eadwig the naughty. How will Dunstan cope with the horror of witnessing a royal threesome? Not well.

Aethelstan is dead (sad) so it’s time to check out Alfred’s 2 youngest grandsons. But first we check in on Europe and find out they are a bunch of dicks all squabbling. On the plus side, Alfred’s dna is doing really well. Then we find out the men in the north can’t make up their minds whether they want to be in or out of England. It’s all a bit messy.

This week we see Aethelstan’s rule come to an end. He formed England for us so it’s a job well done. Also this week we explore the business model of the Church and find it’s pretty darn good.

Aethelstan, he’s our man. Not off to a great start – couple of half brothers hanging around, but soon they start to disappear. Aethelstan creates England but doesn’t know that that’s all we want so he keeps going to take over Britain. And in any case, the way he creates England isn’t going to read too well in history books. Fortunately for us he gets into a very large battle so we can have England created then.

Alfred is gone. Sad. Was he a one hit wonder or will the kiddies push on?

Time for Alfred to show us just how bloody great he is. Go Alf.

Just about time to put Alfred back in his box. I’m going to miss this guy.

Alfred has taken on the top job just at a time when the pressure is really on. And things are going pear shaped rapidly. No sign of any hashtag the Great in this episode – Alfred is down to his last burnt cake and in deep excrement.