Author: dickshistory

Time to get that glorious arse on the big chair and a brand new silly hat on the kingly head. And aren’t we all happy. Back to business as usual. Just one thing, will the business as usual be of the Gloriana type or just like those useless men who have been running the place? Charles will marry a beautiful Portuguese princess.

We’ll be having a look at a nice fair trial for a number of guys who Charles and Parliament must die to redeem the honour of England. Hang on you say, if they have to die, then how fair will the trial be? Reasonable point so yes, fairness may not be part of this but you have no idea just how unfair it can be made.

Well it’s all turned out to be a bit of a dud. Who would have thought that by removing rich people that they would be replaced by other rich people who just give us the same stuff.

I guess it’s better to be sad than dead but Charles will cheer up when Cromwell decided to die. Decided because he may have survived a bit longer if only he had taken his medicine. But that medicine was created by the filthy Jesuits so Cromwell was not taking it. Still, he will eventually get his very own statue.

Our lad will look for a glorious return to England with a Scottie army but it may not go that well. Before you know it, he will be on the run. But where to? Wherever the girls are may be a clue.

Time to get the back story for our future king. Turns out he really likes the ladies. Here he is as a kiddie with sister Mary, brother James, Henrietta and Henry plus the doggies.

Yes, the monarchy is gone long live the revolutionary government under dear leader Oliver Cromwell. But will it go well? Do these guys know what they’re doing? I think you know by now what humans are like so probably know the answer. But we do have a nice new seal.

It surely is curtains for Charles. E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This king is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the perch ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig! ‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-KING!! (Thanks to Monty Python for that)

Well that will certainly challenge Parliament. How on earth do you try a king? Don’t panic, humans are very inventive.

While Charles is messing around trying to outsmart his judges, there’s lots and lots going on elsewhere in Europe. We have to get an end to the wars of religion (badly named but still deadly), we have Philosophers thinking so they so they are and sundry odds and sods. Time to catch up.