Author: dickshistory

Off we go hurtling once again into the past this time we’re looking for a sultry wicked temptress who wants to entangle our Henry into a web of sin. That may be difficult because that Anne lives mainly in historical fiction. We’ll have to be content with the historical Anne. But at least we can have a picture of a sultry wicked temptress.

The Reformation will splinter because of the whole bread and red thing. We just can’t agree on it. The Peasants will revolt and that will go the usual way a peasants revolt goes – badly. On the plus side, celibacy will be out the door and into the garbage. The emperor will call a conference to see if we can’t all play nicely together. We can’t. Here’s a picture of Luther responding to the Catholics ordering his books to be burnt. You burn mine and I’ll burn yours is the message. Nice for the printing businesses.

We have new players in Europe. Our own Henry of course along with Frankie Big Nose in France and Supersausage Chuck doing Spain and Germany. On the home front we get some descriptions of Catherine and sadly they are not flattering. Here’s pictures of the 3 boys and our Henry has gone from youngest ruler in Europe to the oldest.

We’ll get Martin Luther safely away from the Diet of Worms. Then we find other people wanting to do their own version of the reformation. Enter the Anabaptists. Monks can start giving up their Monkey lives to become good productive members of society but on the downside, students will start leaving the universities. Are we going backwards? Here’s a picture of ex Monk Martin and his ex Nun Missus.

In which our hero Henry will be sucked into sending cash to Mad Max with no return. Tom Wolsey will become a big swinging dick and there will be a secret romance with wedding bells a dinging for Charles Brandon and Dowager Queen Mary, Henry’s sister. And we have descriptions of Queen Catherine that are not terribly flattering at all. Plus we’ll get to meet Princess Mary.

Things are happening in Germany and we’ll kick off by looking at our man Erasmus first. One thing we’ll find pretty quickly is that our reformers will embrace the new technology – the printing press. They will invent the Graphic Theological Novel, marvellous stuff. Here’s one – on the left we have baby Jesus booting out the money lenders and on the right we have the greedy Pope selling indulgences.

It’s a bit of a girly episode this week. Let’s see – Queen Anne of France is off to heaven – Queen Margaret of Scotland is off to get a bit of hunky Archie Douglas – Princess Mary will be dumped by Supersausage Chuck but then for for big daddy Louis of France on the rebound and will be the new Queen of France and that may be a bit much for big daddy’s heart. Still he will die with a smile on his face. And finally poor old Queen Catherine will see the end of sexy priest who will be booted out of England. Sad.

The Scotties have the largest army they’ve ever assembled. It is well equipped and they have been training their little hearts out on the new invincible Swiss method of killing your enemies. They have the high ground and bloody big guns. To top it off they have handsome brave and strong King Jim 4. Put your money on the Scots to win is my tip.

Dad killer King Jim 4 will have everything he needs. He’s got the numbers, he’s got the terrain, he’s got bigger cannon, he’s got the invincible Swiss tactics. He’s young handsome brave and strong and up against decrepit old Tom Howard. Nothing can go wrong for the Scotties this time surely.

Let’s go sailing on the high seas and find out the difference between a pirate, a privateer and a buccaneer. Henry will have lots of hangers oners who like to drink booze and unlike his dear old dad, Henry is up for the stupid foreign wars. He’s likely to get one with dad killer King Jim 4 wanting to do some Pommie bashing. Here’s a buccaneer rock star.