Author: dickshistory

Here she is in all her glory. The boys of the council are on to her about who are you going to marry and what about religion and other rubbish. Betty will tell them all to take a chill pill and just calm down.

Our lady, formerly princess, then back to princess is now queen Elizabeth 1. She’s survived the reign of her family, firstly dad the mad Welsh king, then teen king Ted and finally sister bloody Mary. This week we’ll look back at those fun days through the eyes of our magnificent new queen.

In which Catherine will score a nice daughter in law – baby Mary queen of Scots. Here’s a nice happy family – Henri, Catherine and the kiddies.

In which Mary will set fire to a lot of people, get pregnant again (not really), stuff up a lot and then do us all a favour and die. Here’s what barbequed bishops look like.

We’ve met Mary Queen of Scots Mum so how about we meet her mother in law Catherine de Medici. Lovely young girl who lots of people want to kill.

Here’s a new player in the game. John Knox, Scottie type and all round fun guy. He has some nice new ideas about how to do religion. Just what we need. Here’s a picture and I must say he looks a little bit like Dr Who.

Mary is up the spout to Spanish Phil. Will this be a new hybrid English/Spanish king to lead us glorious into a peaceful and prosperous future? Unlikely.

Mary has got her man. He’s a tall, dark, handsome Spaniard. Well, he’s actually rather short and not that good looking, but he is a Prince. Mary though has drawn the short straw with her Council. Bunch of dickheads so can Mary sort them out?

Oh woe is us – we’re facing a future filled with garlic eating Spaniards coming over here and taking our jobs and not even learing our language! (They’re not) and they’re all drug dealers and rapists and some may be very fine people. Brave Sir Tom Wyatt can lead us all to freedom. Or perhaps a nasty execution. Spoiler alert in the image.

I thought we might have a look at a few of the many, many, many prophets or messiahs who didn’t make it. Those who didn’t get a special day to mark their birth. Here’s a picture of one such guy, Sabbatai Zevi – Turkish Jew and barrel of laughs.