Author: dickshistory

After discecting our Gloriana to give her a performance appraisal, we’ll get into the back story of new boy king Jim. Was he totally glorious from day 1 we all want to know. Of course not.

Oh No! Sadly our Gloriana can’t live forever so it will be her heavenly reward this episode. It may be time, poor Betty is losing her marbles. But we will get ourselves up to date on the theatre scene in London with exciting new playwright Will Shakespeare wowing the crowds.

How dare anyone to rebel against our Betty. Well the Irish with a 9 year rebellion and resident dickhead Robert Devereux with a 9 minute rebellion. Will the Gloriana win over her enemies? We’ll find out.

Our mighty hero sadly will be leaving us. Walter Raleigh will be off looking for El Dorado. Bit tricky given that it doesn’t exist. And Robert Devereux is still wanting to be a mighty hero. Also tricky given that he is not too bright.

It’s the historical murder mystery that won’t be solved. Plus trouble in Ireland (who would have thought that?) Francis Drake will be busy in the admin dept and Walter Raleigh can get out of the slammer with a large sum of cash involved.

Yes, Walter Raleigh has been a bad, bad boy and Betty is very cross. But has she missed that the real bad boy is Robert Devereux, Earl of Essex. We’ll also meet ancient Katherine Fitzgerald who may not have even existed.

Betty’s best boy Robert Dudley is off to heaven making England a better place. But there’s plenty of new boys hanging out wanting to be the next best boy. Rising to the top of the pack is another wanker – Robert Devereux. Joining Dudley in heaven will be our spymaster Walsingham. And sorry to tell you but mighty hero Francis Drake will have a dud mission. Sad. Here’s Devereux looking a bit like Errol Flynn. No wonder Betty was hot for him.

Well here it is. A monumental battle that will go down in history as a magnificent victory by the English over the evil Spanish empire. So of course it isn’t like that at all. But Betty will get the chance to dress up in her metal outfit and make a magnificent speach.

It’s not all messing around with boats – other people want their story told. Let’s get into some wife swapping with weirdo Dr John Dee (not as much fun as it sounds) and check in on Bess of Hardwicke’s slow moving train wreck of a marriage and kill of our Frenchie characters. Here’s pictures of the 3 Henri’s – De Guise, King Henri and Navarre.

Spanish Phil is over it. He wants to make England Catholic again and has built the biggest fleet of ships ever seen to do over Betty. His warships are very big and scary. But we do have Francis Drake playing on team England. Betty will put on her best frock for a nice publicity painting.